Dangerous

Caroline tiptoed into the library, hoping to find her misplaced laptop. It was dark inside the room, the only light coming from the moon streaming in through the open french doors. A slight breeze blew in and the smell of books and leather surrounded her. She found herself sinking into her favorite corner chair and looking out into the night, the view of downtown Los Angeles framed by the pergola outside the doors. This was the first moment Caroline could breathe since she got home. Her father needed her help with the party preparations the second she’d walked through the door.

Caroline opened her laptop, it was a habit, something must be going on somewhere, she thought. There on the screen was the code she had been working on earlier. Her father had given her a complicated hypothetical and asked her to solve it. The code was nearly done so she started to type when something caught her eye. A movement on the patio, a swath of red danced in her peripheral vision. Caroline glanced up and saw a beautiful woman storming back and forth across the patio. She was mumbling to herself, but not in English. A man appeared and watched as the woman walked

to the other side and turned her back to him. He walked slowly over to the woman and stood behind her. He hadn’t spoken, but even Caroline could feel his presence. It was,...dangerous.

Caroline slowly closed her laptop and sank into the darkness of the corner watching the scene play out. The man was dressed casually, but she could see every crease of his clothing was deliberate. The woman wore a short, tight red dress that was sculpted to her body. She breathed deeply with her arms crossed. She was clearly angry at the man. Her long, sable hair cascaded down her back, it was almost longer than her dress. He reached up to touch her shoulder, and said something quietly, knowingly, then leaned in and kissed her neck. The woman pulled her shoulder away and stomped her foot. She spun around and angrily replied, pointing at him and shaking with rage. He grabbed her by her arms and leaned down close to her face and said something very quietly. He seemed very controlled, caged. The woman froze, her eyes grew wide. He leaned in to kiss her and she let him. Still holding her shoulders, he maneuvered her to the pillar, pressing her back into it. The kiss deepened and Caroline watched as the woman seemed to melt against him, her hands moving up to circle his neck. His hands moved from her arms to her breasts and then to her waist. He drew her body to his and skimmed his hands down and then up, pulling her dress up as he went. He was kissing her neck, his hand in her hair the other unbuckling his belt. The light clinking sound, so loud in the dark, seemed to break whatever spell the woman was under. She pushed him away. He just stood there, not moving, looking,...unmoved. His breathing hadn’t even changed. She laughed and shook her head. Then she pulled her dress back down and walked away, exasperated. The man just watched her go, as if it were her loss, not his. He said something to her, something in Spanish, something with little emotion and then Caroline heard the woman’s voice yell, loudly, “Uber!”

She felt a little guilty, seeing the private moment play out before her. But she was removed enough that it was like watching a movie. She watched as he paced back and forth across the patio straightening his pants and buckling his belt, checking his reflection in the side lights of the french doors. She couldn’t look away, it was so intimate. Caroline couldn’t move. She didn’t know what to do. And then he stepped through the doors into the library. She felt him take over the room. She could see him pacing back and forth in the room, growing angrier with each turn. He was like a caged tiger. He stopped at a bookcase and gripped the sides, leaning his head on the shelf. Breathing in and out. He looked ready to pounce, or destroy her library. He didn’t want an audience for whatever he was about to do. She had to do something.

“She’s right.” she said. Caroline didn’t know what possessed her to say that. She could’ve literally said anything else.

He didn’t react. He didn’t move. Just continued looking down and breathing in and out “You enjoy the show?” He spoke with an accent.

“Well, no, actually. The writing sucked and there was no...climax.” What was she doing? This very serious man was not going to think she funny.

That forced him to look up, into the dark corner, to see the face behind the voice. It was dark in the library, she knew he couldn’t see her, she felt safe in that at least. He laughed quietly. A rumble, rich and deep. He didn’t laugh enough.

Caroline suddenly wanted to see his face, see him laugh. She reached up and pulled the chain on the lamp behind her chair. The low light blazed in the dark room and they both went still as they got their first glimpses of each other.

Caroline recognized him from previous parties but wasn’t sure who he was exactly. He could be anyone, really, CEO, arms dealer, bass player. He was tall and broad, with long dark hair tied back at his neck. He had a closely cropped beard framing his mouth and dark eyes that looked almost black. He was beautiful, if one could say that about such an intimidating man. He wore loose fitting linen pants and a black shirt cuffed at his forearms showing his dark skin and muscular arms. Caroline didn’t shy away from her appraisal, her lack of social cues a direct response to her unconventional education. She perused him, not thinking of the consequences.

Her eyes drifted down his torso and stopped at his belt buckle. The memory of what she had just witnessed came to her, the man gripping the woman, her head thrown back, his hand unbuckling that belt, unbuttoning those pants, her cheeks heated and her eyes flew to his face. He was remembering too. He smiled at her then, a slow smile that was entirely predatory.

Caroline felt chills through her body at that look, she felt her breathing shift. He stalked toward her, his eyes pinning her to the chair. He stood over her, so close Caroline had to crane her neck to look at him. He was so much larger than she previously thought. All that strength and darkness. He lowered himself to the ottoman directly in front of her chair. Caroline moved back, tucking her feet beneath her, making herself smaller in the hopes of disappearing. They were both in the circle of light, closer than she felt comfortable. So close she could feel the heat from his body.

“And what do you know of climaxes, cariña?” He practically purred at her.

Heat suffused her as she watched him, when she realized he had spoken she swallowed and then said the first thing that popped in her brain. “That they usually end with a bang?” He laughed, this time loudly and full. He threw his head back and Caroline giggled. She giggled! This man made her feel drunk. She liked making him laugh, she thought. It was so incongruous. All that darkness and severity...Caroline was in way over her head. He was still smiling at her, but the smile held something else. This seemed even more dangerous somehow.  

“Yes. They do,” He looked up, considering something. “Sometimes love is complicated.”

“That wasn’t love.” Caroline couldn’t stop herself.

“It wasn’t?” he leaned forward a little, a smile playing at his lips.

Caroline shook her head. She was crazy to continue, but he seemed,...pleased. He raised his eyebrows inviting her to continue. “It’s infatuation. Lust,” she said.

Their eyes met when she said ”lust.” Neither could look away. Caroline could feel her heart beating in her throat. Is it always so warm in the library? He did not respond, he just looked at her lips. Caroline self consciously licked her bottom lip and then continued. “You treat her like a possession. You brought her to this party and left her all alone.” Caroline had seen her sitting alone on a sofa, holding an empty wine glass. She felt for the beautiful woman, alone at a party. Discarded for more important things. She definitely knew the feeling. “She’s like a car. She’s beautiful and you take her out and show her off and then leave her with the valet while you have your fun.” Her analogy was ridiculous of course, but Caroline wasn’t backing down. She, too, had been to meetings and parties and weddings and sat alone hoping her father was just in another room and not, as had happened before, flying home on the jet without her. She looked down at her hands, twisting in her lap. “If you loved her you wouldn’t have let her go.” She hadn’t meant to say that. It was too revealing.

She watched his eyes narrow as she spoke, her only warning that she was in too deep. “Have you been in love then?” He was very serious. The air in the room seemed thick, it was hard to breathe.

Caroline didn’t want to answer. She hated the question. It wasn’t fair. She stayed very still. Instead she glanced at his lips then into his eyes and said quietly, “Have you?”

She watched as something akin to fury crossed his face, so quickly she thought she had imagined it. And then he was quiet. The only sound their breathing.

“Once,” was all he said. His jaw clenched, he wouldn’t look at her.

They sat in silence for a moment. Longer than should’ve been comfortable. She felt a sadness wash over her. She wanted to comfort him. Her hand reached out to touch him.

He gaze snapped to her hand frozen in mid-air. He looked at it as though it were a weapon. She lowered it back to her lap.

She thought she wasn’t scared of him, but she was starting to see another side. She could see that he would be a tremendous enemy. She knew nothing about him. She stared at the hand in her lap, she wanted to help him, but to him it must have looked a lot like pity. She looked up at him and he was lost. His eyes were focused behind her and his mind was somewhere else. Something like pain crossed his face and she wanted to stop it.  His face was so close to her now she could see a scar that slashed through his eyebrow and another that swept from his ear to his chin. He had some pock marks by his eye and it looked as if his nose had been broken at least once. These things should have made him less attractive, but together with his dark eyes and skin they added a vulnerability that made him beautiful. She wanted to bring him back, to save him from whatever was hurting him. But she couldn’t stop staring at him. His eyes narrowed and his face changed. He looked...

“Dangerous...” she trailed off. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

He looked at her then, and came back to the present. She was staring at him. His scowl deepened as he saw what was in her eyes.

“You should not talk to me like this, I think.” he said, his accent thicker in his frustration. She tried to stop herself, but he was making it worse, she couldn’t change what she was feeling. She pushed any fear down as he finished, “You. Should not.” He swore under his breath and reached his hand slowly up to her face and stroked his knuckles down her cheek, so softly, his thumb trailing behind as he swept his hand down to her chin. His hand rested there as his thumb stroked across her bottom lip.

She saw the moment his intentions changed. He meant to show her who he really was, make her afraid. This was a dare. And she would not back down from a dare. Caroline willed herself not to move, but her body was not listening. Her heart sped up and her breathing hitched. She watched his eyes as they followed his hand across her skin, they were so dark and she saw something in them...desire. Her head tilted back ever so slightly. He seemed to grow more angry at her reaction and Caroline couldn’t take anymore. It was too much. She licked her lips again, this time her tongue touching the tip of his thumb. His eyes widened a fraction. She needed to make him quit, because she wasn’t giving up.

“You can’t treat us all like objects,” Caroline practically whispered.

His hand dropped, the moment gone. He looked angrier now. He leaned forward to intimidate her, Caroline didn’t move. “I take what I want, cariña.”

She was not going to let him frighten her, she’d seen too much, knew too much of him now. She leaned into him and said, “I’m not afraid of you.” She said it softly and more to herself than to him.

They were so close, she could feel his breath on her cheek. He smiled, but it was different this time, menacing. “No, you’re not. What you’re feeling is not fear…”

He didn’t say it but they both knew what she was feeling. It was lust. He let that unfinished thought hang in the air, then pulled away from her and stood. He walked back over to the bookshelves and leaned his back against them, watching her in that circle of light. If he remained another second he would have taken her in that chair.

She felt the loss of his heat and, immediately, wanted it back. The intimacy, his breath on her cheek, his thumb on her lip, she needed it. That thought chilled her. She was taught to need nothing. And this man, he would take her and then leave.

“You know nothing of love, you are a child. A spoiled child.” It was like a slap in the face. But Caroline saw it for what it was, a last ditch effort to win whatever this was. Caroline watched him, he was clenching and unclenching his fists at his side. He was not as unmoved as she thought. Out in the night, with the woman, he was so controlled, so unemotional. But not anymore, something had changed. This wasn’t a game to him anymore.

He wanted her. This dangerous, serious man wanted her. She stared at him. As if seeing him for the first time.  He turned just then and caught what was in her eyes. He pushed away from the shelves to face her. She knew what he saw there. Caroline wanted him too. But she was too afraid to make the first move. So she just waited, her breathing heavy, her heart beating so fast. She watched him as he walked towards her, slowly, as though she might change her mind and bolt at any second. Caroline rose from her chair as he moved closer, her heartbeat loud in her ears.

“You know nothing of love.” He said it quietly, but it wasn’t accusing, it was merely truth. He stopped directly in front of her, but he didn’t touch her.

“It’s a good thing this isn’t love, then,” she said. They stood facing each other and he smiled at that. Then, finally, slowly, he reached his hand out to her. This was going to be her choice. She reached to take it, watching his face as he realized he had won, seeing triumph in his eyes. When the library door pounded open and a young, handsome blonde boy walked in. Caroline lowered her hand immediately, a guilty look sweeping across her face. The man looked at the intruder slowly taking his measure.

“Caroline, there you are!” the boy said. He was tall and attractive in a California way. He looked over at the man and said, “Sup, dude.”

Caroline’s eyes widened at the use of “‘sup” to a man such as this. She needed to get Trevor away from him.

“Yeah, sorry, Trevor, I promised my dad-” Caroline started. She refused to look at the man again, but she could feel his eyes on her. She didn’t even know his name. This man she almost allowed to take her. He could be anyone. She wanted to know more about him. She wanted to know about the woman he loved “once.”

“You said we were gonna,...study...tonight,” his surfer boy cadence was more pronounced in front of the stranger. And he seemed oddly possessive.

Trevor reached his hand out to her and she glanced down at it. Caroline remembered the other hand that reached for her tonight, how she almost took it. She started to imagine what might have been, his hands on her breasts, between her thighs. She blinked and shook the thoughts away, knowing he saw everything. Trevor suddenly grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the door. She caught the handle and pulled the door part way closed then said to Trevor, “You go ahead, I’ll be right there,” then watched until he disappeared down the hall.

Still holding onto the door, her eyes found him again. His had never left her. She was embarrassed that he witnessed the whole scene. Caroline had a strong desire to protect him. From what? From herself, from her whims? She wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but this was his second denial of the night. He looked dangerous as he watched her, waiting for her to say something.

She wanted so many things at this moment. She wanted to tell him how he had made her feel, she wanted to tell him about Trevor and how he was just a friend, she wanted to run into his arms and never look back. She wanted to tell him that she couldn’t. She wanted to make him laugh again, hear his laugh. But there was nothing to laugh at. So she shrugged and then smiled a full face smile that lit her from within. She heard his breath catch and watched the darkness leave his face and slowly turn to what looked like awe. Then she said, quietly, “You’re right. I’ve never been in love,” her eyes sparkled as she smiled again. “Lust, on the other hand…” And then she was gone.

*********

Alternate ending, because this blog is experimental.

*********

“You know nothing of love.” He said it quietly, but it wasn’t accusing, it was merely truth. He stopped directly in front of her, but he didn’t touch her.

“It’s a good thing this isn’t love, then,” she said. They stood facing each other and he smiled at that. Then, finally, slowly, he reached his hand out to her. This was going to be her choice. She reached her hand out to take it, watching his face as he realized he had won, seeing triumph in his eyes, when something behind him caught her eye. She dropped her hand as she looked up to the patio to see the woman. She was back in her red dressed glory and beauty and curves. Caroline’s face fell. His eyebrows creased together as he tried to figure out her sudden change of heart.  When he turned to see what made her face change, a voice called out.

“Javi!”

Caroline flinched at the sound. She wished her father had built more trap doors into this house so it could swallow her up and she could pretend this night never happened. But instead she stood there, and pretended that he felt as little to her as she felt to him.

He never took his eyes from her face as he said something in rapid spanish to the woman behind him. She sighed and said something back as Caroline stood there, trapped. “Momento,” he had said, she had caught that much. It meant he would finish with her soon, and then he’d leave.

Caroline suddenly felt self-conscious in her grubby shorts and MIT t-shirt, her freckles and stringy hair. Her youth felt more like inexperience. What had she been about to do? She should thank the lady for interrupting.

He stood there, just looking at her, looking at her hair, his eyes skimming down her body as if it were the first time he had seen her. And with that, the heat was back, the desire. She felt her pulse speed up as his eyes met hers once again. She had to fight to not move toward him.

He smiled at her and then opened his mouth as if to say something. But before he could speak he just turned and walked out the door shaking his head. He stopped at the threshold and turned back to her. “It should have been you, Cariña.” And then he was gone.